Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Himes bhais coming release

The movieee the real reincarnation storee

Monday, January 28, 2008

Par·ty (pär'tē)

" No alcohol, So its not a party " was all that was said to justify stripping Krishna Omkar of his post as President of the Oxford university students union.The union bars any kind of electioneering. Krishna had invited some supporters to a pre-poll "meeting". He denied the charge saying it was only a small party.

So now you know, you danced & had fun, but its not a party if theres no booze; especially when The Oxford itself defines it as thus ;)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Initial RePublic Offering

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC blah blah...

So what is this sovereign (self ruled, thats ok) socialist(added by Indira, under debate) secular(Indira, again debatable) democratic republic ?

Going by pure definition :

A Democracy is rule by Omnipotent Majority. In a Democracy,the majority can make any rules , self beneficial or otherwise without any regards to the minority.In fact in direct democracies, the citizens gather & decide the matters themselves by majority.

A Republic, on the other hand, is rule by law. There is a certain charter which the ruling class adheres to, in this case the constitution which guarantees equality to all citizens.Although its not necessary for the representatives to be elected, the selection must not be hereditary.

So in case of India, the words democratic republic imply that even though there is a government formed by majority, the elected have to abide by the constitution & play fairly. On the other hand the US constitution , if i have the correct text here, doesn't even have the word democracy ! So the US is a republic** assumed to be so in a democratic way.The word may have been excluded for its connotations of a mob rule. Our constitution understands that & tries to makes it fool proof, but seems our leaders are more than fools, thus large areas of the cow belt are still under mobocracy & not republic. We need to make the rule of law sacrosanct & above everything else to achieve the ideals of the लोकतांत्रिक गणराज्य that we claim to be.

** Article IV Section. 4. of the US constitution
The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government, and shall protect each of them against Invasion; and on Application of the Legislature, or of the Executive (when the Legislature cannot be convened), against domestic violence.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

The fight to stay together

My cousin is getting wedded to someone she just met,
My schoolmate is 'cordially' inviting me to her being 'tied for generations' to a colleague.
My colleague is getting into a 'holy alliance' with his friends sister,
One of my best friends is getting married (arranged) after an eventful search & heaps of kande pohe.
I wish them all a long lasting marriage spat. Yes, the folks at Livescience have come up with this theory that couples who vent their ire in fights rather than compromise over issues, live longer. These same folks say when people are angry they tend to make better decisions !

There will come a time when we will read the latest science report of the day & hope it lasts the next. Anyway, please help me choose the gifts - a sturdy bat for the guys, a good sized 'belan' for the girls or electric tasers and a pepper spray set for both ?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Heath Ledger (Brokeback Mountain)

Died in his manhattan apartment yesterday. Shekhar Kapur spoke to him the night before & promised to wake him up. He never could. Friends always joked about Brokeback & we never saw it . Having second thoughts now, it takes guts to portray yourself as a Gay man.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

मेरे पास मराठी है

अमित : माझ्या कड़े बंगला आहे , गाड़ी आहे, नौकर आहेत , आई ला पण मी इमोशनल ब्लैक्मेल करून सोबत घेतले, आता तुझ्या कड़े काय आहे ?
शशि (ओरडत) : आजीeeee चल ग !!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Dakshin Donuts

Calling for an Indian fast food chain in US !

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Intellectual Property vs Social Strength

We may not yet have our Bill Gates, but Indians sure know how to make money on the web.
Scrabulous is an online multiplayer scrabble game created by two Indian brothers Jayant and Rajat Agarwalla from Kolkata. I used to play it on the site www.scrabulous.com before they made it into a facebook widget.Then millions of facebookers got hooked on to it. The news is that Hasbro, which has the Scrabble trademark & Mattel which makes the boards have forced scrabulous out of facebook & thousands of scrabulous fans are disappointed. Fans now hope to make a point with their huge numbers & dissuade Hasbro & Mattel.
This type of battle has been seen in the bricks & mortar world, such as opposition to the cheap Aids medicine copies made by the Indian companies, but its new to the virtual world, see how it plays out.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bolly ties

"aap Indian hain ?" the driver asked me.
"han, Mumbai se"
"oh Bombay, aapne Shahrukh ko dekha hai ?"
"nahi, par chaahat Aishwarya ko dekhne ki hai"
"haha, wo shahrukh ki nayi picture ayi hai na, kya nam hai ..shanti.."
"han Om Shanti Om"
"kaisi hai ? kuchh serious to nahi"
"ekdum timepass picture hai" (i didn't like it for the same reason, but i knew what he wanted)
"wahan Karachi mein hamesha dekhte hain sab nayi picture"
"acchha aap karachi se hain ?"
"han ji, koi aisa vaisa scene to nahi hai na usme ? "
"nahin to, vaise shahrukh ki movies mein to sab acchha hi rehta hai, Magar is bar kapde utre to hain lekin sirf Shahrukh ke" I answered.
"Hahaha, waakai ? to woh bhi salman ke nakshe kadam par hai ..."



"6 inch veggie patty with honey oat bread" I blurted as usual to the subway sandwich attendant.
"hello namaste" he chimed.
"namaste ji"
"tum Indian hai? ye kolkata chinese hai" pointing to his colleague.
"arey wah, to apki family kolkata mein hai ?"
"nahi nahi ye mazak karta hai, hum dilli mein rehta hai, nepali hai"
"acchha achha"
"picture dekha abhi, wo .. taara jemeen par , theek hai, lekin bhelcome bahut hi acchha hai . bahut maja. Abhi wo akshay kuma(r) number two hai sharrukh ke neeche, acchha comedy banata hai na isliye."


I'm posting this soon after this 7/11 bangladeshi saleswoman let me off after a lecture on why Preity Zinta needs to lose weight & that Rani should marry now. Mindless 'family' bollywood fare ties the subcontinent as nothing else can.

seating-arrangement-in-relationships

" The Engagement Stage
in this stage the touching of shoulders is enough to send across an electric current… every trip to a restaurant is a shocking experience. Sweet nothings are whispered into each others ears
which annoys the poor (read bachelor) waiter, who is still looking for a girl.
"

Jamshed writes on how seating positions change with time in relationships. Unfortunately i am still at the waiters stage.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

a little photoshopping

Actually I used GIMP for this but whatever ..

कामाकुत्रा

- वात्स्यायन यांच्या कुत्र्याचे इंग्रजी नाव .

Monday, January 14, 2008

Bharat Ratna for our Watchman

The Bharat Ratna timeline :-

Advani suggests Vajpayees name for Bharat Ratna
Left growls then purrs about Jyoti Basu
Maya 'Demands' Bharat Ratna for Kanshi Ram
Orissa CM seeks Bharat Ratna for Biju Patnaik
RJD wants Bharat Ratna for some Karpuri Thakur(how dare you don't know him !)
RLD asks for Bharat Ratna to Chaudhary Charan Singh.
Congress all for giving it either to Sonias greyhound or none else.

Now BCHS looks towards the PM to give Bharat Ratna to their watchman :


Dear Manmohan Desai Singh Sir,

This is a petition for considering our beloved watchman Bahadur* for the Bharat Ratna award.
He has done honorable service to our society :
1) By sleeping all night so me & my girlfriend could always sneak out unnoticed.
2) Respected all the religions & kept communal harmony by taking bakshish on festivals of respective flat owners.
3) Guarded national secrets such as whose wife is sleeping with whom.
4) Helped bring families together by doing their chores.
5) Kept anti social elements i.e. salesmen out.
6) Never smoked cigarettes in front of children, only harmless beedis.

He tripped over from the terrace while trying to save Kapoor's cat from Shinde's dog. For all these reasons we propose his name for the Bharat Ratna posthumously.

Signed,
Secretary, Bharat Co-Op Housing Society.


* Bahadur singh parmar, is a north Indian, only shares first name with the stereotype.

My fortune cookie on Orkut 8

Today's fortune: You will never need to worry about a steady income.

Heck! why don't i quit this boring job, I already have a steady income from my gig on Madison Avenue 32nd street - "Do you have some change for a sandwich sir ?"

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Happy Sankranthi !

My memories of the end-of-harvest festival in India are the giant greeting posters by the local politicos in Bangalore, they take their Sankranthi seriously, more so than any other fest. Sankrant, as it is called in my home state is celebrated by exchanging sweets & greeting each other with 'Tilgul ghya gode gode bola' (Eat sweet So you shall speak sweetly ), I vividly remember, when we were in Kota, how Lohri was an excuse for family & colony get together around the bonfires in which we symbolically cooked the fresh produce. Kite flying in Gujarat on Uttarayan is now a national phenomenon, the beautiful sychronized dancing celebrations by the Assamese on Bihu are a treat... no matter how you celebrate it, all i am thankful for is the sweet Pongal that my flat mates prepared.. ooh yummmm :P

Friday, January 11, 2008

Honolulu

> Hello, Devi Prasad hain ? Meri macchli ka kya hua.
> Arey cha-maila, nahi hai, tumhara macchhi pakadne Timbuktoo gaya hai !

Every culture has a few places that one can send there enemies to ! Ancient Greeks made fun of Abdera, Jews make fun of Chelm, Americans have Oshkosh & more recently, Afghanistan !
In addition to sounding funny these places are famous for their peculiarities. Like I found -

Timbuktu : means a place almost at the other end of the world, resp. the Sahara. A city in west africa. Founded in the 11th century by the Tuareg, it became a major trading center (primarily for gold and salt) by the 14th century. The fame of Timbuktu first spread far and wide when it became part of the Mali Empire in the fourteenth century. Sultan Mansa Musa, the Mali ruler, attracted the outside world's notice in 1324 with his opulent pilgrimage from Timbuktu to Mecca and back. He had tens of thousands of attendants and fifteen thousand camels carrying food, salt, perfume, and gold. After that, the wealth of Timbuktu seemed truly fabulous.

Honolulu : capital as well as the most populous community of the State of Hawaii, United States. In the Hawaiian language, honolulu means "sheltered bay" or "place of shelter." Hawaii is the most isolated land mass on earth [map] situated in the pacific ocean, miles away from the american continent .

[source : answers.com, wikipedia]

So Honolulu's usage might correlate with its position in the middle of nowhere, Timbuktu would have been a very famous distant land in medieval India (given our appetite for all that glitters).

The naked orange

" Try This Yourself!

1. What you require for this experiment is an orange peel and a friend. Hold the peel at about five or six inches from his/her eye and squeeze it into the eye. What do you notice? "

... Rolly at blogchaat tries a hand at lateral psychology, I peel feel for his friends.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

BigAdda - Dont go there !

The indian social network from Reliance - BigAdda.com is a cheap copy of Orkut & doesn't offer anything new. It even asks you about your 'other education' :

Excusez moi , What it be Alliance Franchise ?

Tere nano mein kya jadoo hai ?


Yes, there are Four seats !

But seats should be comfy for these 4 hour jams !

I sincerely hope it only cuts into Maruti 800 sales & not everybody goes out & buys one, otherwise is nightmare for Indian roads, hell for environment. Mass transport is better for India. If i were to ban something, I would ban big cars in the cities, especially the limousine types that americans ride, also that hummer - what a waste.
NYTimes link

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Humble Kumble

Says its time to move on.
In Other news, Ricky Pontings parents got threat calls.
On a passing note, IF at all, An Indian will take 'Monkey' 100 times lightly over 'Bastard'. Very big cultural difference here.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

My fortune cookies on Orkut 7

Today's fortune: You are going to have a very comfortable old age.

40 years on .. I am chewing on caviar with my false teeth & riding in my merc with the latest macbook placed on my replaced knee, my multi million dollar mansion is filled with geriatric care equipment & I get into my custom made jacuzzi with help from my 10 personal attendants. Distant relatives bring gifts often to remind me of the will. Yeah, very comfortable .. rather die young !

Monday, January 7, 2008

Bucknor removed from perth test

So ICC has removed Steve Bucknor from the perth test. Good, but he would have gone after an year or too anyway(he was already given an extension beyond the ICC retirement age). The more preferred situation is to have Harbhajan cleared off the 'Racist' tag, otherwise it would stick to him for years.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Bhajji Banned for 'Racial' abuse against Symonds

Bhajji allegedly called him a monkey, monkeys were offended.

In a press statement issued by the monkey spokesperson shri chimpu ji , monkeys have strongly asked not to be confused with the hypercharged athelete down under. They have also requested us not to try to look like them by needlessly jumping around.Recent reports have shown that monkeys & especially chimpanzees can handle pressure better on the field than Australians.

news link: Harbhajan banned for three tests
& Aussies.. ever heard about a fair hearing ..Mate ?
**Update: BCCI suspends series till appeal is heard.
... it looks like BCCI was for continuing with the next match till the players took a hard stand. They claim that none of their views were taken into consideration.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

American branch of virgin atlantic

would be called Never-had-any Atlantic ;)

More CNN less IBN

What is the Indian viewers concern with how Iowa residents vote ??? Not sure if anyone of them would even know if it is a U.S. state. That & the constant flashing of the Hindustan Times photos of the Marriot molestation incident , when the victim herself pleaded against it on the same channel ! When it started out, cnn-ibn seemed respectable, but it has drowned in the who-gets-to-flash-it-first syndrome currently affecting Indian news.

Friday, January 4, 2008

ठरावलेलं लग्न | arranged marriage for deranged me

कशी बायको हावी आहे तुला ? (नाही ती हवी नाही नेहमी 'हावी' असते)
मला ना , मला ना ...
हा बोल ,
मला ना ... तश्शी ! (ऐश्वर्या राय चे फोटो दाखवत)
अरे गप रे मेल्या , डाक्टर हवी आहे का इन्जिनियर ?
अग नाही ग काकू , अत्ता तर मी कुठे जग पहायला सुरुवात केलिए |
अस होय ? शिन्गापुर अमेरिका बघितलस , अता कुठे पाताळ ? खर सांग तिथे गोरी तर नही भेटली कोणी ?
नाही ग, तिथ शाळे पासुनच सर्वांचे बॉय फ्रेंड्स असतात , मला कोण पाहत , इंडियातच कोणी भाव नही दिला , अणि तिथले मुलं डालर तर मी ४० मधला एक रूपया आहे.
मग ये इन्दोरला , मस्त मुलगी दाखवते , माझ्या नणदे ची पुतणी च्या काकांची मुलगी आहे , चांगली हाडांची डाक्टर आहे , होमिओपैथिक (!) . त्यांचे कापडाचे दुकान आहे आपल्या बाज़ार पेठेत , नेहमी डिस्काउन्ट देतात आम्हाला , मुली वरही देतील ... अरे म्हणजे जे पाहिजे ते माग , एकदम क्वालिटी माल |
क्वालिटी माल !! काय बोलते ग काकू ...
अरे तुला सांगू रेमंड पेक्षा भारी , तुझ्या काकांचे ते सफारी सूट लक्ष्यात आहे ?
ओह कापड होय
मग तुला काय वाटलं ?????
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After realizing being put into random 'kande pohe' * situations would be good material for blog posts, I started browsing some matrimonial sites myself. That itself being the hilarious pastime for my flat mates , looking at eager brides-to-be posing in 'fashionable' postures & putting their best profiles on .. more on that in a later post. For now see this :
omg , she's administrating Windows server 2003 !!! How would the conversation go ?

Me: So did you guys install the latest bug patch ?
Her: Yeah, it was so much fun ! which version do you use ?
Me: me, I am more of a Linux guy.
Her: oh,so sad, anyways, was great talking to you, I'll tell my mom.
end.

* kande pohe is the maharashtrian tradition of feeding a bakra before halaaling it.
** no matrimonial profiles were hurt in the creation of this post on basis of caste/religion/race/species.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

If.Then.Else.

Life has its pause & look moments, each one comes with a decision to make & its caveats, but atleast the choices are yours. In these moments, you probably ask yourself :

q1) What you want : This is more like a dream, what you 'think' will give you satisfaction.
q2) What others consider good for you : Work, Family, The usuals.
q3) What is probable based on how it currently is : Likely an average of the two depending on what decisions you make from now on.

for e.g. some answers might be...

a1) I want to quit & play pro golf.
a2) I should settle in the routine, get a managerial position,
earn more & marry & have kids then earn even more for them.
a3) Earning ok, manager'ish position, played golf once.

So what the future holds depends on my attitude as well as the actual tasks I do for the particular choice, I can't quit, its too risky but I can practice golf while working, only it will take me decades. For some, like celebrities & major sportspersons the answer to last two questions will mostly be the same as the first, but the questions arise again after they pass their prime. Like a friend says, Life is simple if you can live with the difficult decisions. Better to be happy with whatever you've got.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

A perfect murder ?


Tarun, Tejpal expose Lalu's parenting scam

Notice the comma, its not Tarun Tejpal(The editor of tehelka) but Tarun & Tejpal, Lalu's two sons.
Apparently they were eve-teasing on new-years eve & got beaten over that :P

news link - http://in.rediff.com/news/2008/jan/02lalu.htm


Lalu : " bhag budbakht ! kahe jaat ho dilli ki ladkiyan ke peechhe, ihan gaanv ki goriyon se pet nahi bharta ? "
Rabri : " A jee, kahe mere karan arjun ko pareshan karat ho, jawan ba, chhede honge koi chhori, uske liye aisa maarta hai koi ? aava beta garam garam doodh piya, abhi frais frais diya hai leela ne "