Sunday, December 2, 2007

The atheists nightmare

vishal is crossing a street, lost in thoughts like whether the meaning of life is lack of death. then...Bam ! .. he dies on the spot ... So much for the meaning of life.
(my friends will agree on the cause of my death. Though i hope - that its swift & painless)

the cloud clears,
yamrajs court ... its just hanging in the void of space like they showed on mahabharat, man ! yamraj is enjoying sura & watching the apsara channel.

santri: Nastik vishal mungi hazir ho !
yamraj(changing the channel to aastha) : an atheist ? shame shame , not another one !
me(wide eyed & disbelieving) : this is a bad dream, this is a bad dream ...
santri : hey shutup ! you have the right to remain silent.
chitragupt(clearing his throat) : vishal mungi , tumhara hisab is prakar se hai ..
yamraj: arey hisab visab chhodiye , nark mein kounsi kadhai khali hai wo bataiye is nastik ke liye.
chitragupt: parantu dev, agle mahine audit hai ..
yamraj: oh , achhha vaise bhi naarad ji kabhi bhi aa sakte hain, theek hai.
chitragupt :
pitrudharm - below par
matrudharm - below par
me : huh?
bhratradharm - below par
mitradharm - below par
hatya - N/A
balatkaar - N/A
nashile padarth - N/A
madira - N/A
Yamraj : Mandira ! kahan hai mandira, hum usey yahi rakhenge.
Chitragupt : Mandira nahi maharaj M.a.d.i.r.a. arthaat alcohol, hooch, tharra.
Yamraj : Oh ahem...continue.
Chitragupt :
pashu hatya - doshi

me : what the ..
chitragupt :
hurting religious sentiments - doshi
me : is this a joke ?
santri : shhhh !
chitragupt :
dhumrapaan - N/A
iti.
Yamraj : On these counts we find you guilty. Tumhe krimibhojan nark mein bheja jayega. There you will
exist as a worm, eating another worms tail who in turn is eating your tail. Infinite hell loop, perrfect
for a programmer, what say ?
me : Oh hell ! I never got much chance to code. Anyway where did you get this data from ?
Chitragupt : A state-of-the-art three minute survey was sent to those who know you. Those who cared
responded...only 5% , that alone tells a lot about you.
me : But this must be wrong. my family rates me below par ?
Chitragupt : Unhone kabhi uttar hi nahi diya, ye default option hai.
me : Par meine pashu hatya to kabhi ki hi nahi.
Chitragupt : Hello, eggs ? Well its a lot stricter than that, but we've built it upon the Jain rules.
me : And when did i hurt 'religious sentiments'(Indian political vocabulary?). I've been an atheist myself, but never against anyones beliefs.

At this Chitragupt types something on his laptop. I see its a customized mac !

Chitragupt : Is this your blog ?
me : yes
Chitragupt : Why are there so many insulting statements making fun of the flying spaghetti monster ?
me : Thats just a fictional deity which the atheists use to get their point across.
Chitragupt : Oh is that so ?

Just then .. roars of thunder echo across the clouds, a cyclone nears,
the papers fly everywhere ..
everybody becomes awestruck as strikes of lightning emanate from a Huge form, which is glowing with the radiance of a Hundred suns & has Thousands of arms . Yes it is..
HIM , the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

By the grace of FSM(pasta be upon him). I am saved !

End.


Read what happens afterwards .. here

3 comments:

Lekhni said...

So, is FSM Hell much better than Yamraj's Hell? Just curious. You seem to even be able to blog from there:)

prashant said...

samja nahi yaar.....

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