Sunday, December 2, 2007

The atheists nightmare

vishal is crossing a street, lost in thoughts like whether the meaning of life is lack of death. then...Bam ! .. he dies on the spot ... So much for the meaning of life.
(my friends will agree on the cause of my death. Though i hope - that its swift & painless)

the cloud clears,
yamrajs court ... its just hanging in the void of space like they showed on mahabharat, man ! yamraj is enjoying sura & watching the apsara channel.

santri: Nastik vishal mungi hazir ho !
yamraj(changing the channel to aastha) : an atheist ? shame shame , not another one !
me(wide eyed & disbelieving) : this is a bad dream, this is a bad dream ...
santri : hey shutup ! you have the right to remain silent.
chitragupt(clearing his throat) : vishal mungi , tumhara hisab is prakar se hai ..
yamraj: arey hisab visab chhodiye , nark mein kounsi kadhai khali hai wo bataiye is nastik ke liye.
chitragupt: parantu dev, agle mahine audit hai ..
yamraj: oh , achhha vaise bhi naarad ji kabhi bhi aa sakte hain, theek hai.
chitragupt :
pitrudharm - below par
matrudharm - below par
me : huh?
bhratradharm - below par
mitradharm - below par
hatya - N/A
balatkaar - N/A
nashile padarth - N/A
madira - N/A
Yamraj : Mandira ! kahan hai mandira, hum usey yahi rakhenge.
Chitragupt : Mandira nahi maharaj M.a.d.i.r.a. arthaat alcohol, hooch, tharra.
Yamraj : Oh ahem...continue.
Chitragupt :
pashu hatya - doshi

me : what the ..
chitragupt :
hurting religious sentiments - doshi
me : is this a joke ?
santri : shhhh !
chitragupt :
dhumrapaan - N/A
Yamraj : On these counts we find you guilty. Tumhe krimibhojan nark mein bheja jayega. There you will
exist as a worm, eating another worms tail who in turn is eating your tail. Infinite hell loop, perrfect
for a programmer, what say ?
me : Oh hell ! I never got much chance to code. Anyway where did you get this data from ?
Chitragupt : A state-of-the-art three minute survey was sent to those who know you. Those who cared
responded...only 5% , that alone tells a lot about you.
me : But this must be wrong. my family rates me below par ?
Chitragupt : Unhone kabhi uttar hi nahi diya, ye default option hai.
me : Par meine pashu hatya to kabhi ki hi nahi.
Chitragupt : Hello, eggs ? Well its a lot stricter than that, but we've built it upon the Jain rules.
me : And when did i hurt 'religious sentiments'(Indian political vocabulary?). I've been an atheist myself, but never against anyones beliefs.

At this Chitragupt types something on his laptop. I see its a customized mac !

Chitragupt : Is this your blog ?
me : yes
Chitragupt : Why are there so many insulting statements making fun of the flying spaghetti monster ?
me : Thats just a fictional deity which the atheists use to get their point across.
Chitragupt : Oh is that so ?

Just then .. roars of thunder echo across the clouds, a cyclone nears,
the papers fly everywhere ..
everybody becomes awestruck as strikes of lightning emanate from a Huge form, which is glowing with the radiance of a Hundred suns & has Thousands of arms . Yes it is..
HIM , the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

By the grace of FSM(pasta be upon him). I am saved !


Read what happens afterwards .. here


Lekhni said...

So, is FSM Hell much better than Yamraj's Hell? Just curious. You seem to even be able to blog from there:)

prashant said...

samja nahi yaar.....

TimothyTang said...

Hi, my name is Timothy Tang and I have just completed the book, "Real answers to The Meaning of Life and finding Happiness".

Many people feel that the interpretation to The Meaning of Life question is too subjective to have any definite objective answer but I have managed to formulate a real and objective answer based on facts to the ultimate question of human existence.

The book also sheds light on a new understanding of emotions such as Anger, Desire, Fear, Guilt, Temptation and Love.

I have made a blog that introduces the book. Do check it out.